Comparison...The Thief of Joy - By Joe Chai
I decided to close or delete several of my social media accounts a few weeks ago for a couple of reasons. The first was a fairly obvious one, as my habits on apps like Facebook or Instagram were clearly not healthy. I wasn’t contributing anything particularly valuable for the world to consume, but was rather doom scrolling endlessly as I browsed through my friends’ varied experiences and accolades. I’d contend that many of you can probably relate with that.
The second reason was a bit more concerning. I discovered that the more I used social media, the more I would start comparing my life to that of others. And that sense of comparison would invariably devolve to more hazardous ways of thinking. “Why am I not getting to experience these things?” “How come I don’t get to travel to exotic places like they do?” And the most destructive question of all that I found myself asking occasionally: “What am I doing with my life”
This tendency to compare ourselves to others is not unusual. It’s probably as human as any other emotion we experience. However, it’s a quality that we need to remain hyper-vigilant against. Comparison is an endless death spiral that will only serve to steal joy from our lives. And take it from me, the only likely outcome of comparison will be your resentment towards others and toward yourself.
Scripture is breathtakingly clear on the dangers of comparison. The apostle Paul says that when people compare themselves with others, they lack understanding (2 Corinthians 10:12). He further exhorts God’s people to seek the approval of God, not man (Galatians 1:10), and to work hard at what God has tasked for them and to boast in their labor instead of comparing their load to others (Galatians 6:4). Clearly, God knew that this poison of comparison would be a plague on people’s lives, and we can thank him for speaking plainly in His Word to warn us about it.
So what ought we do? I’m no expert, but here are a few tips that I’ll share:
Practice gratitude each day. Start each morning by either recalling or writing down just ONE thing that you are grateful for. Meditate on that richly.
Focus on your strengths. Consider what you are good at, and what you bring to the table. Don’t worry about the unique strengths of others.
Set your own goals. Don’t focus on where you are relative to others, but where you are in light of your goals. And work hard everyday to make continual progress on those goals.
Get rid of your social media apps, or at least set boundaries for yourself. The damaging effect social media can have on our mental and emotional well-being is very well documented. Consider deleting your social media apps altogether. Or, if that’s too difficult, try unfollowing people that make you feel badly about yourself and enforce a daily time limit on your apps.
Parents, please try your best to refrain from comparing your child to others. Your actions are more consequential than you might realize, and though well-intentioned, they are either reinforcing or delimiting lifelong habits and perspectives that your child will carry with them for a long time. Let’s reinforce the reality that your children are wonderful and unique, and delimit the noxious falsehood that your children are not as good as others.
God has called you to where you are for a purpose. Never once believe that
where you are isn’t a good region on His vineyard. Others may share photos of their part of the vineyard that might look greener, but that picture will only ever be a tiny crop of the magnificent and lush reality of His world. Your part matters, and you matter. So keep your eyes down, work hard, and celebrate the fact that wherever you are is where God has perfectly placed you.
Joe Chai, Worship Minister